What’s Next and the City

I wrote the following post about three months ago and finally decided to share it.

 

Many of you may have seen my overjoyed tweet in December about my acceptance to NYU. I was excited to say the least. All of my hard work had culminated into a dream come true, and I was going to New York City! Start spreading the news… I’m leaving today? Part of me was never fully settled with the decision. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t subscribe to blind happiness at what I should consider a major victory on my part. You may imagine that what hindered me was the financial aid.

NYU, one of the most expensive universities, is infamous for not giving enough financial aid. After opening the package, maybe half an hour after reading the acceptance letter, I was #disappointedbutnotsurprised. With a shaky sigh, I mentally committed myself to whatever I had to do to afford it. So what if I had to take a few jobs outside of class? Student loans aren’t that big of a deal, right? Everyone has them. I longed for the situation to work out by any means possible.

I gathered opinions from coworkers, friends, and family, which in hindsight showed how extremely unsure I was at the tentative decision I had made. I was genuinely interested in each opinion, though I became extremely defensive whenever someone attempted to reason with me. The more I investigated, however, the more I realized how financially unrealistic accepting their offer would be. I fought with my conscience for days, teetering back and forth between losing out on my dream school and facing crippling debt. Nights were spent tossing and turning, waking up again to visit other colleges’ sites only to decide again in the morning that there was no way I was giving up on NYU. My heart broke a little every time I had to consider another option.

Finally the time came when I had to make a decision. If I hadn’t even gotten to New York yet and I was already stressing about money, how would I fare once I got there? I absolutely couldn’t burden my financial future this heavily before it had started, or more importantly, my mother. Even if I could afford the school by snagging a few jobs, was that really how I envisioned my college experience?

In those final days, I received the hardest pushes to accept. “Apply for scholarships! Apply for grants!” almost everyone I knew now parroted into my ear after hearing my situation. Of course I’m going to apply for scholarships, but it’s more complicated than that, I wanted to reason. The pressure was on, but by this point I just couldn’t justify accepting the offer.

Eventually I had to tell myself that no matter where I went, I would make it. This is definitely the low-quality BS advice your mom tells you to make you feel better, but you don’t really accept it until you’re ready to. Who was NYU to suggest that I spend exorbitant amounts of money to succeed there?

The NYU acceptance letter may one day be framed on the wall in my room. I achieved my goal- I got in!- and that should be celebrated in rose gold decor, despite what may still temporarily feel like a bigger loss. At the end of the day, undergrad is only four years of my life. I don’t know what life will bring following those years but it’s certainly not my last opportunity to go to New York if I so decide. While I may be breaking off my teenage affair with NYU, I can always return to my real love, my Man-hattan.

Although I had a painful Taylor Swift-style breakup with NYU, choosing not to go will only make New York that much sweeter when I get there because I’ll be able to afford the Manhattan lifestyle I dream of.

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  16. Omggg this mafe me tear up a little. I had the same struggle and wasn’t as mature as you and my student loans now haunt me everyday. So happy for you, you will make it to New York and it will be more fabulous than you ever imagined because you won’t be broke!!! Xoxo

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